Halloween may consume Earth with 24 hours of supernatural terror every October 31st, but metal pioneers GWAR have been enthralling the universe in a grip of constant horror since 1984. The Scumdogs of the Universe have laid siege to the galaxy in a wave of blood and serrated power chords, culminating with the cosmic marauders' latest blistering LP, The New Dark Ages, released last June.
GWAR has even spilled blood across dimensions recently—as chronicled in the graphic novel GWAR: In the Duoverse of Absurdity. From their home base in Antarctica, the group rips a hole into space time where they encounter parallel dimensions, and extra beefy country-music-playing versions of themselves. Puns and manslaughter ensue.
These extreme and ever-intensifying campaigns of carnage—and blood-drenched live shows—all beg the question: how does a raid party of planetary, metal-slinging warriors celebrate Earth's day of the dead? Resident GWAR Berserker and vocalist Blöthar was able to spare a moment from his conquests to answer that question. (Portrait by Jeremy Saffer.)
Blöthar the Berserker: Halloween was another earthly custom that our manager, Sleazy P. Martini, introduced to us when he was educating us on the finer points of human cultural achievements. We liked the idea of dressing up, and especially overnight orgies in the woods with witches and goat creatures, but of course, humanity has managed to make even the supernatural a cold, commercial spectacle. Halloween is now just a load of spoiled, selfish little turds going door to door begging for candy. And the tricks leave a lot to be desired. When we trick or treat, we better not get any freaking Necco Wafers or Circus Peanuts or heads are gonna roll.
Blöthar the Berserker: Of course, we have gone trick or treating. I dressed up as a samurai warrior last year, Beefcake was a fairy princess, Pustulus was a giant tooth, and Bonesnapper was Nasty Ronnie from Nasty Savage, and Balsac was the landlord from the Big Lebowski doing his one man retrospective. Jizmak was Hand Banana from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The way we roll, we just walk up to a house, hide in the bushes and wait for the ugly little insulin-resistant bags of shit to come begging for candy. Then we eat the kids.
Blöthar the Berserker: Sadly, the alternate universe where our alternate egos live is a world in which all John Crapenter movies were made by Rob Zombie, and everything sucks. But it is basically the same. The only difference is that witches and vampires and mummies and sexy nurses dress as little shithead kids. Speaking of country music, in that reality Miranda Lambert is still my doll baby. And TayTay, Damn I love Taylor Swift.
Blöthar the Berserker: The milk from my udders has a very high pus-to-piss ratio. Frankly, it smells worse then it tastes, and it tastes like ammonia. I don’t recommend it. For baking or anything else. It’s really a self-defense mechanism. I use it to fight off the legions of horny sluts who throw themselves at my hooves begging to milk me. I just hose em down. I am a very lonely creature.
Blöthar the Berserker: I would say it's a tight race between Frank Zito from Maniac and Belial Bradley from Basket Case. In fact, we are trying to negotiate with Belial to take the place of Slymentra as the new dancer for the band. He is just gross, and hilarious. We like that. That leprechaun from those movies is cool too.
